Military service age> > I 'm over 65 and the Armed Forces say I'm too old to track down terrorists. > (You can't be older than 35 to join the military.) > > They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off > to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a > military unit until you're at least 35. > > For starters: > > Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. > > Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than > 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy. > > Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a > dangerous soldier. If we can't kill the enemy we'll complain them into > submission. "My back hurts! I'm hungry! Where's the remote?" > > An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet and you shouldn't go to war until > you're at least old enough to drink. The average old guy, on the other hand, > has consumed 126,000 gallons of beer, and a jaunt through the desert heat > with a beer and an M-60 would do wonders for the old beer belly. (Note there are > 24 hours in a day and 24 bottles in a case... another convenient way to > measure time!) > > An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 a. m. > > Old guys always get up early to pee. > > If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put > them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser. > > Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and > yelled at and we like soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns.> > We like them almost better than naps. > > They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat > and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I > ever do any pushups after completing basic training. I can hear the Drill Sgt > now, "Get down and give me ... er . one." > > Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy. I've never seen > anyone outrun a bullet. > > An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to > shave, to carry on a conversation, and to wear pants without the top of his butt > crack showing and his shorts sticking out. He's hasn't figured out that a > pierced tongue catches food particles, and that a 400-watt speaker in the back > seat of a Honda can rupture an eardrum, and that a baseball cap has a brim to > shade eyes, not the back of his head. > > These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more > about life before sending them off into harm's way. > > Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards who attacked us on > September 11. The last thing an enemy would want to see right now is a couple of > million old farts with attitudes. > > Share this with your senior friends. It's purposely in big type so you can > read it.> > > MP> >