A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. "Human beings are the only animals that stutter," she says.
A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered," she volunteered.
The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.
"Well," she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!
"That must've been scary," said the teacher.
"It sure was," said the little girl. "My kitty raised his back, went 'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff'... and before he could say "F**k", the Rottweiler ate him!"
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This is soooooo funny! I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for my dog and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked me if I had a dog... (DUHHHH) I was feeling a bit crabby so on impulse, I told her NO and that I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital the last time. But I had lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms. Her eyes just about bugged out of her head. I went on and on with the bogus diet story and she was totally buying it. I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it works is to load your pockets or purse with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The package said the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. ( I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her. Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and was that why I ended up in the hospital. I said, "Oh NO!, I'd been sitting in the street licking my ass when a car hit me." I thought the tall guy in back of the line was going to have to be carried out.